The Relationships Thread of Discussing the Enigma that is Women

[TheKoopaDasher]

You're terrible at giving advice.

Everything I said is based on my own experiences of failure. I'm telling him NOT to do what I did. How is that bad advice? Do you honestly read that page of text about that girl and think "Yep, this is totally going to work out fine!"? I read it and think "Oh dear god, this guy is in WAY over his head". Nothing's going to happen there. The entire relationship is in his head. Life isn't a romantic comedy. She isn't going to suddenly decide just after meeting him that he's the guy of her dreams. Wake up and smell the coffee. This is not a good situation for him.

[slimd1995]

Do you honestly read that page of text about that girl and think "Yep, this is totally going to work out fine!"?

Sure, why not? Just because you're horrible with relationships doesn't mean that everyone is. You think just because he likes her and that he thinks about her that there's nothing there? That's ridiculous.

[stevencho]

My only and best advice is wait to make entirely completely sure she is not in a relationship. Do not even think 'what if' until then. This will save you so much heartache.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Sure, why not? Just because you're horrible with relationships doesn't mean that everyone is. You think just because he likes her and that he thinks about her that there's nothing there? That's ridiculous.

OK, let's examine the post bit by bit, shall we?

I am 17. I have never been seriously involved with anyone.
I always knew it was not worth it. It didn't hurt I've always been sort of a loser, that's changed a bit over time.
I've had crushes before, but I knew that's all it was, it's passed. I've felt very strongly about some gals, but again, I'm too young for it to matter, and actually, I just don't know if I'd be enough.
I actually turned down this girl I had a huge crush on several months ago. She was just so.. UGHUdkjhnvslnfush.. And I kinda told her how I felt, I don't know why. But then she planned this whole thing with some other friends, just to tell me she wanted to be with me, and yeah.. I declined. It wasn't easy.

Being bluntly honest here... that is not, in any way, the introduction of a person who is ready for a relationship. Even short, meaningless high school relationships. People who start off talking about themselves and relationships this way do not need to be in one. That's not my opinion, that's scientific fact. If you think about yourself, and your possible relationship, in this way... there is no possible chance it will work, with anyone.

So.. This weekend I met this girl. It was at 4H function, (Shuttup, it was fucking awesome, you don't even know) Across state.
She actually lives across the state too.. so that makes it difficult for me.

1) It's a long distance relationship. You know how many of those work out for people? Even people who are older, more mature, more experienced, and more dedicated to each other? Very, very few. For someone like Eggboy, who actually admits that he has no confidence in himself, or his ability to maintain a relationship... the likelihood of this ever working out, even if she IS interested, is very slim. 2) He just met her. Relationships are not built on people that you just met. Lasting relationships are built on deep friendships and mutual respect.

The cutest thing I've ever seen. She had this gothy type thing going, but not the depressing kind, which, idk, I really really dig. (You follow me? No?) The kind of girl I usually don't think twice about, because I'm sure I don't have a chance. But something happened this time..
I got to talking with her, she was so awesome. :3 We clicked on everything. We could go on forever. Everything lined up, senses of humor, movies, music, geekieness.. Just. Gahhh. She was so cool. And she turned out to be Catholic, I was sure she'd turn out to be an atheist or something.. It was just too perfect.

You know what this sounds like? It sounds like the reaction of someone who just played a really great game they want to buy:

"God, Batman: Arkham City is the BEST! I played it for HOURS! I could just go on forever. Everything lined up, action, adventure, suspense, music, camera placement. Just. Gahhh. It was so cool. And it turned out to have a decent length, too. I was sure it would be really short or something.. It was just too perfect."

His reaction sounds more like the ranting of a frenzied mother on Black Friday, shopping for the best deals, not the excitement of a person who has just met another person whose company he just enjoyed. It sounds more like he's treating her like a product, rather than a person. So he meets a girl, and enjoys her company. I'll let him have that one, for now. Let's see how he reacts, and what his plans are now.

And as it turns out we're both going to DragonCon next year. :3 So I'll atleast see her there..
But.. of course.. She mentioned a boyfriend. I don't know how serious they are, you never can tell. \:
I got her on facebook, we talked a little. (barely)

SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. Everything else I can say is canceled out because SHE IS DATING SOMEONE. He's not even going to see her against until next year. Say what you want, but he's just a random guy she met at a random event. He adds her on Facebook, she barely even speaks to him. That's not the enraptured conversation of someone that wants a new boyfriend. That's the "go the fuck away" conversation of a polite girl trying to tell the nerd that she met that she's not interested.

I just really feel strongly about her. It sounds nuts, and I know some of you are going to tell me it'll pass, or it's not worth it, or whatever. But I've been there before. This was somehow different.

This screams juvenile. This screams "I have no clue what I'm doing, I've never experienced a relationship before, and this is the single most intense emotion I've ever experienced in my life. Not the basis for a lasting relationship. Especially since, as he already said, she barely even spoke to him.

I don't know how to say it. A lot of things happened leading up to meeting her, just so many things, I know a lot of you are atheists, and don't get this kind of thing, but I feel like God was saying something. It was nearly unmistakeable. In fact, it was getting to the point of just being paranoia almost. On top of lots of weird little things, I nearly died.

It's amazing how many things, in hindsight, seem like fate. Or destiny. When you look back and draw a line through events in your life, it seems like everything was just MEANT to happen this way. And when you consider all the different directions you could have gone, it seems like it was meant to be even more. But events are just that... completely random. I had the same experience going into the relationship with the girl I described on the last page. It seemed like everything was meant to be. Everything lined up perfectly. But she ruined my life. Why? Because I just KNEW it was meant to be, and ignored the signs that it wasn't. I was so caught up in my belief that I had been handed my soul mate that I ignored everything that said she wasn't. My point is, don't confuse life's random events with destiny, or fate. Even the Bible will tell you there's so such thing as fate. We each have free will. God doesn't throw dice.

I'm guilty of every single thing I just complained about. Every one. I realize that. But I'm older now, wiser, and after two years without a relationship, I've had a lot of time to reflect on just where I went wrong. I'm not trying to ruin his life. I'm just being realistic. I'm trying to keep him from making the same mistakes I made. What I read in that post are the beginnings of every mistake I made.

I could be wrong. My experiences are not the end-all of relationship advice. He could talk to her, and it could turn out just like a romantic comedy, where the girl realizes true love was knocking on her door all along. But they show relationships like that in movies for a reason. There's a reason people pay to go see relationships like that. Because they don't happen that way. We only wish they did. All I'm asking is that Eggboy open his eyes before he gets hurt.

[Eggboy'13]

Koops, I don't think you give me much credit, honestly. I know a lil' bit about relationships, I promise you, and I will not try and prove myself to you.
But yeah, I'm not even meeting any of your point right now. -__- Long day, I appreciate it, but yeah. I don't know.
I'll just roll with it for now, see what happens.

But seriously though, it's like you're trying to make me feel stupid, which by this point, isn't far off, it's hard enough talking about this kind of thing with people.. ;_;

[YoshiStar]

I agree 100% with Koops.

Anyway, while I'm here I might as well talk about my situation. It's been around 3 years and my girly and I are as close as can be. I understand her completely. She understands mdte completely. It's a bit hard to describe, but I'm about as close to her as I am with my mom, dad, brother, and best friends. I'm dressing snazzy and taking her out to dinner tomorrow and then going to a winter formal dance before dropping her home. It's gonna be fun
. I'm happy.

I'm not happy thinking about the future though. Problem with relationships in your senior year of high school, is that you'll graduate and head to different colleges. It'll have to become long distance again. *sigh* I'll make it work but it'll be a lot harder and less satisfying. I rather hold her hand, kiss her, talk with her, watch movies together .. much better than just texting, calling, and webcam. Mann .. well forget the future.

Well that's all for now!

[TheKoopaDasher]

I'm not happy thinking about the future though. Problem with relationships in your senior year of high school, is that you'll graduate and head to different colleges. It'll have to become long distance again. *sigh* I'll make it work but it'll be a lot harder and less satisfying. I rather hold her hand, kiss her, talk with her, watch movies together .. much better than just texting, calling, and webcam. Mann .. well forget the future.

Well that's all for now!

As someone who has been through two attempts at long-distance relationships, and changed colleges far too many times, my advice to you is: let it go. It will be rough, yes, but ending it now is much better off than the break up you will experience once she builds up anger at you from the long-distance relationship.

Besides that... you're going to college, man. I can't even describe to you in words how much you will change over the next four years. I'm not the same person now that I was when I started VG, and I'm certainly nowhere near the person I was when I graduated high school. College changes you. What seems like a good idea now will seem like a really ridiculous idea a few years from now. You need to approach this new point in your life without being tied down, without having a girl that will also drastically change on your mind. I'm not saying it can't work... it certainly can. What I'm saying is that you're both going to change so much you may not even recognize each other when you come out of it. And these situations tend to build up hurtful feelings, and people say things they don't mean. Best to leave it now, on a good note, and come back to it later and see if there's still anything there. You'll both be much better off without being tied down.

[Eggboy'13]

Reading Koops posts, more often than not, makes me feel depressed. Not just the ones in this thread..

[TheKoopaDasher]

Reading Koops posts, more often than not, makes me feel depressed. Not just the ones in this thread..

I'm not trying to make you feel depressed. I'm trying to be realistic. You chase after some girl when you're not ready for a relationship and she doesn't want you, and you're going to be far more depressed when it blows up in your face than I could ever make you. Relationships are a lot of work, a lot of compromise. It's not like Hollywood, where everything is perfect.

Believe it or not, I'm actually very happy. I used to be depressed, when I made depressing posts, but now I'm happy. Why? Because I finally realized everything I'm telling you, and I acted on it. So yes, some of my posts can come across as depressing. But the truth hurts sometimes.

[coolguy753]

It's not like Hollywood, where everything is perfect.

Wrong, but nevermind.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Wrong, but nevermind.

I mean in the movies they create in Hollywood, where all relationships turn out perfectly in the end. The goofy guy always gets the girl, the girl always falls for the main character, and everyone ends up happier. That Hollywood.

[TheKoopaDasher]

I know it's not quite the way we think of "relationships" in this thread, but I just realized something while cleaning up after dinner...

I haven't had a friend in almost four years... Yes, there are people I know, people that I talk to occasionally on the off chance that I see them, but those are just acquaintances. In terms of an honest to goodness friend, someone that I can trust and talk to, someone that I hang out with, someone that I do things with, someone that will listen... I haven't had that. In almost four years.

Whenever I have a really great idea I want feedback on, I have no one to turn to. When I have a really important issue I need to discuss, there's no one there. When I just want to hang out and play video games or go to a movie or order a pizza, who do I call? No one. It's kind of depressing, actually. It seems that pretty much everyone I know just hates to be around me, whether I'm speaking or not.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Well, I found out that not only will I be spending my last year in college basically alone... but that the only student I know, the only one that I will see literally every single day... is the one that I was OBSESSED with last year. The one I went on and on about on here, about how she was changing my view of the entire damn universe, and how no one else had ever made me as happy as she made me, and how the planets in the solar system in my head used her as the focal point of their orbits. That girl is the girl I will see every day during the single most important part of all of my years in college.

Not only that, but she suggested that we carpool to campus together on the days we have our own classes, and even suggested that if there is bad weather, and we are on campus, that her dorm has a pull-out couch I could sleep on.

Have I mentioned that she has a boyfriend? A tall, All-American boyfriend that looks like a mix of Aaron Eckhart and Brad Pitt?

God, I am so screwed...

[Manuel_Alejandro95]

Not only that, but she suggested that we carpool to campus together on the days we have our own classes, and even suggested that if there is bad weather, and we are on campus, that her dorm has a pull-out couch I could sleep on.

Have I mentioned that she has a boyfriend? A tall, All-American boyfriend that looks like a mix of Aaron Eckhart and Brad Pitt?

Maybe she wants a threesome.

[Luigi53]

Maybe she wants a threesome.

With Aaron Eckhart and Brad Pitt.

[Manuel_Alejandro95]

With Aaron Eckhart and Brad Pitt.

Don't you see she can have them both in one? Then she needs another one.

[Luigi53]

Don't you see she can have them both in one? Then she needs another one.

A mixture of Mickey Rooney and Will Ferrel.

[YamiGekusu]

Is it sad that me and my boyfriend have never called each other by our real names in the over ten years we've known each other?

[TheKoopaDasher]

Maybe she wants a threesome.

With Aaron Eckhart and Brad Pitt.

Don't you see she can have them both in one? Then she needs another one.

A mixture of Mickey Rooney and Will Ferrel.

Somewhere in the past few posts we got off topic of the fact that I'm going to have my mind short-circuiting every day over this girl that has no interest in me. I KNOW she has no interest... I KNOW she's just using me... I KNOW we have nothing in common... I KNOW she's just incredibly flirtatious, and nothing more... but I won't be able to stop myself... I'll be drooling nonstop around her, just like last time. I can feel it starting already, just from having a conversation with her.

[Luigi53]

Somewhere in the past few posts we got off topic of the fact that I'm going to have my mind short-circuiting every day over this girl that has no interest in me. I KNOW she has no interest... I KNOW she's just using me... I KNOW we have nothing in common... I KNOW she's just incredibly flirtatious, and nothing more... but I won't be able to stop myself... I'll be drooling nonstop around her, just like last time. I can feel it starting already, just from having a conversation with her.

I know how you feel bro.