The Relationships Thread of Discussing the Enigma that is Women

[Mariolee]

I have talked to her in real life before. She is a real person.

You can never be too safe.

[TheKoopaDasher]

So I've had an interesting day, in terms of relationships...

1) My dad still hasn't shut up about that girl. In fact, I came in yesterday from work and he said he would give me $20 just to ask her out, and $50 if she said yes. That's right... he's bribing me with cash to ask this girl out. Even though I've told him repeatedly that I'm not interested. So there's that, which is still annoying the hell out of me. But I did tell him today that I can, believe it or not, ask out my own girls when I'm interested in them, and that it's only through sheer patience that I didn't snap on him months ago. He just laughed.

2) In other news, there is another girl at work. She's fairly... sarcastic, but in a crude way. I typically go for that, since I do enjoy my sarcasm battles, but for her it was a bit off-putting. And she wore really heavy eye makeup so that she looked like some sort of clown. But she came in today, without her eye makeup, and... she's really cute. I don't know how I noticed it before, but she is incredibly sweet-looking without the makeup. And I was listening to her conversations with someone else, and it turns out that, rather than being several years older than me (which I thought), she's actually a year younger than me (surprisingly). Not only that, but rather than being a crude sarcastic ass, she's teaches bible studies at her church and to summer youth groups. It completely threw me for a loop. So I ran a Facebook check on her, to round up more info, and from what little is available on her profile, she is a very hard-working, strong-willed person who is very outgoing and is spending a good amount of time helping her family during this economy. So I'm just... completely shocked, to be honest. I had the completely wrong impression of this girl, seeing her as this utter ass of a person based on very little, but now that I know more... I'm actually really interested in her. But goddamn my complete lack of confidence in myself, because there's no way I could ask her out right now... especially cold-turkey, with no prior relationship to go on other than seeing her at work. She doesn't even know my name. So... once again I'm a victim of my own paralyzing shyness.

But at least I'm feeling happy about it. Honestly. Aside from my lack of sleep last night, I feel really happy today, first time in ages.

[Mariolee]

So I've had an interesting day, in terms of relationships...

1) My dad still hasn't shut up about that girl. In fact, I came in yesterday from work and he said he would give me $20 just to ask her out, and $50 if she said yes. That's right... he's bribing me with cash to ask this girl out. Even though I've told him repeatedly that I'm not interested. So there's that, which is still annoying the hell out of me. But I did tell him today that I can, believe it or not, ask out my own girls when I'm interested in them, and that it's only through sheer patience that I didn't snap on him months ago. He just laughed.

2) In other news, there is another girl at work. She's fairly... sarcastic, but in a crude way. I typically go for that, since I do enjoy my sarcasm battles, but for her it was a bit off-putting. And she wore really heavy eye makeup so that she looked like some sort of clown. But she came in today, without her eye makeup, and... she's really cute. I don't know how I noticed it before, but she is incredibly sweet-looking without the makeup. And I was listening to her conversations with someone else, and it turns out that, rather than being several years older than me (which I thought), she's actually a year younger than me (surprisingly). Not only that, but rather than being a crude sarcastic ass, she's teaches bible studies at her church and to summer youth groups. It completely threw me for a loop. So I ran a Facebook check on her, to round up more info, and from what little is available on her profile, she is a very hard-working, strong-willed person who is very outgoing and is spending a good amount of time helping her family during this economy. So I'm just... completely shocked, to be honest. I had the completely wrong impression of this girl, seeing her as this utter ass of a person based on very little, but now that I know more... I'm actually really interested in her. But goddamn my complete lack of confidence in myself, because there's no way I could ask her out right now... especially cold-turkey, with no prior relationship to go on other than seeing her at work. She doesn't even know my name. So... once again I'm a victim of my own paralyzing shyness.

But at least I'm feeling happy about it. Honestly. Aside from my lack of sleep last night, I feel really happy today, first time in ages.

1. Your dad sounds like, and I mean this in the most Christian way, a jerk.

2. Guess you can't judge a book by its cover. Don't you think those confidence tips we gave you a few pages ago would come in handy now?

On the other hand I went volunteering at the library today, and there was me, another guy my age, and a cute girl. Man, I mean she was really cute. And then, by the grace of God, the other guy left and it was just me and her. We hit it off and I got her number. Now I have this grin I can't wipe off my face.

[TheKoopaDasher]

2. Guess you can't judge a book by its cover. Don't you think those confidence tips we gave you a few pages ago would come in handy now?

Well, I'm looking at it several ways right now. I know for a fact that I can never be myself around my parents. Ever. I doubt that I will ever be able to. Somewhere, deep inside me, is a little child living in fear of branching out due to what his parents may think of any difference of opinion. And that little child won't let me be anything but a very shy, quiet, seemingly boring little boy around my parents. Why is that bad? Because my dad knows this girl as well. And he regularly shops there. And I don't think I could ever be confident around her if there was even the slightest chance that my dad might show up. As sad as that sounds, it's true. Besides that, I thrive on anonymity. I have the best chance of being confident and being myself when there's not the slightest chance that I will see anyone I know. Dating this girl... she's from the town where I work. And if we ever went on a date, everyone I see while I work would have a very good chance of seeing us. And I would freeze. I know I would. Besides that, I would never be able to live it down. As someone else said, this area is like one giant high school. The jocks never grew up, they just continue to pick on everyone even in their 40s. If anyone I knew at work ever saw me dating this girl, I wouldn't be able to live down the teasing that would ensue. Honestly. I would have to break up with her just to end the teasing. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... my shyness is less about me not being confident in myself... it's about me not feeling confident in other people that I have to deal with. I know I can be funny. I know I could talk to that girl easily in any other situation. Hell, I know she's single. I know I have a good chance of at least getting a date with her, if I could ever decide how to ask. But the other people... I can't deal with other people talking about me, teasing me, I really can't. I dealt with it too long in high school, and even now in my 20s I hate it when people do it even to joke, with no malice intent. I wish I could be confident enough to ask her out... she seems like someone I could get along with... but my self-esteem is so low right now that the smallest thing, from anyone would send it down like a house of cards.

On the other hand I went volunteering at the library today, and there was me, another guy my age, and a cute girl. Man, I mean she was really cute. And then, by the grace of God, the other guy left and it was just me and her. We hit it off and I got her number. Now I have this grin I can't wipe off my face.

You sly dog. Congratulations. I've never understood how the giving of the phone number signifies any sort of bonding or attachment between two people, or how a person even brings that up in conversation without it being awkward, but it is the social convention that such an event indicates relationship success, so kudos to you.

[rpgfreak]

Yesterday, I tried being "friends" with that girl by going to see a movie with her and a few of our friends. It made realize that I need to distance myself if I want to get over her. I've been completely obsessed with her for the past two months. It also doesn't help having her talk to me every other day whether it's on the phone or Facebook. I really want to get over her but I can't imagine anyone better then her.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Yesterday, I tried being "friends" with that girl by going to see a movie with her and a few of our friends. It made realize that I need to distance myself if I want to get over her. I've been completely obsessed with her for the past two months. It also doesn't help having her talk to me every other day whether it's on the phone or Facebook. I really want to get over her but I can't imagine anyone better then her.

God, I have the same problem. I've never been able to do it either. It's awful. I always end up having to completely sever the person from my life completely. It may be awkward, but it's the healthiest method for me. If you're having trouble with the break-up, I highly recommend it. Girls seem to think that it eases the pain of the breakup if they still want to be friends, but in reality it makes it much, much worse, because you want to move on but feel awkward doing it.

[YoshiStar]

Koopa I'm so superior to you.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Koopa I'm so superior to you.

I'm not arguing with you.
Could I get your opinion on the second part of Post #682, Oh Superior One?

[YoshiStar]

Just talk to her and get to know her and get her to know you. That + confidence + a good gut feeling - > ask her out

[TheKoopaDasher]

Just talk to her and get to know her and get her to know you. That + confidence + a good gut feeling - > ask her out

Confidence... that's the biggest issue. My confidence comes from being alone, being anonymous, being in a new area, completely alone. As strange as that sounds, it's true. I've spent so much time in my life being mocked and beaten up by peers that any chance to redeem myself in the eyes of strangers who have never met me is practically orgasmic. Here, at home... around people that know me wherever I go... with the whispers of the past following me and awkward conversations with people I would rather forget, I'm not confident at all.

Were I at college, I would have asked her out already. I don't know how I would have done it, but I would have. Here... I just can't do it. Because I know the reaction. I know the people in this area, and I know how they act towards me. I know that I wouldn't be able to set foot within an hours' drive of this town on a date without having some random person mock me to hell for absolutely no reason. My dad says I overreact to the teasing, that it's just meant in jest, but I can't take it... I really can't. It drives me crazy, and it's one of the reasons I hate this area. They mock people for fun... it never crosses their mind that someone might have low self-esteem and need all the help they can get. So... I can't do it. I want to... but every time I think about it I think back to the sheer amount of teasing I will have to deal with if I went through with it, and I lose all confidence.

Besides that, I don't even know that she's interested. She's never really spoken to me... never shown any interest in me whatsoever... but then again, I've never talked to her, either. But she's supposed to be the outgoing one, and she's never talked to me. Ever. I just hear her conversations with other people, and with my dad occasionally. So idk...

[Mariolee]

Well, I'm looking at it several ways right now. I know for a fact that I can never be myself around my parents. Ever. I doubt that I will ever be able to. Somewhere, deep inside me, is a little child living in fear of branching out due to what his parents may think of any difference of opinion. And that little child won't let me be anything but a very shy, quiet, seemingly boring little boy around my parents. Why is that bad? Because my dad knows this girl as well. And he regularly shops there. And I don't think I could ever be confident around her if there was even the slightest chance that my dad might show up. As sad as that sounds, it's true. Besides that, I thrive on anonymity. I have the best chance of being confident and being myself when there's not the slightest chance that I will see anyone I know. Dating this girl... she's from the town where I work. And if we ever went on a date, everyone I see while I work would have a very good chance of seeing us. And I would freeze. I know I would. Besides that, I would never be able to live it down. As someone else said, this area is like one giant high school. The jocks never grew up, they just continue to pick on everyone even in their 40s. If anyone I knew at work ever saw me dating this girl, I wouldn't be able to live down the teasing that would ensue. Honestly. I would have to break up with her just to end the teasing. So I guess what I'm trying to say is... my shyness is less about me not being confident in myself... it's about me not feeling confident in other people that I have to deal with. I know I can be funny. I know I could talk to that girl easily in any other situation. Hell, I know she's single. I know I have a good chance of at least getting a date with her, if I could ever decide how to ask. But the other people... I can't deal with other people talking about me, teasing me, I really can't. I dealt with it too long in high school, and even now in my 20s I hate it when people do it even to joke, with no malice intent. I wish I could be confident enough to ask her out... she seems like someone I could get along with... but my self-esteem is so low right now that the smallest thing, from anyone would send it down like a house of cards.

I think what you need to do now that you've finally found something you're willing to change is work on it. I don't understand why dating this girl in front of your old friends would make you freeze up. So they made fun of you in high school and you care about what they think about you. Dude,, if they see you with a cute girl, think of it as saying to them, "Yeah, I got a cute girlfriend. Screw you." Those "Biffs" who pick on people in their 40s are pathetic, and will get whats coming to them. Don't worry about them. If you think you'll be happy with this girl, then go for her. Don't let other people, including your parents, get in the way. The first step to improving your confidence is having the balls to say that you don't give a crap about what others think.

I know you'll respond, "But that isn't me. I DO care what they think of me. I can't lie to myself!" You don't have to lie to yourself. Just lie to them. You've had plenty of girlfriends before, I don't understand why you get so anxious about getting a new one.

You sly dog. Congratulations. I've never understood how the giving of the phone number signifies any sort of bonding or attachment between two people, or how a person even brings that up in conversation without it being awkward, but it is the social convention that such an event indicates relationship success, so kudos to you.

I hate asking girls their phone numbers, but I know it's one of the fastest ways to progress a relationship because it shows that you are interested in them. Unfortunately, it's one notch below telling her that you really like them so I'm always nervous as hell. Luckily, I hide that nervousness long enough to get across some cheesy line and get their phone number. For example, while we were walking back to the library together, I put my phone instantly to "Contacts" and told her while smirking, "You know, in case we never meet each other again." When she took the phone and typed in her number, I kept thinking to myself, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe that worked."

Yesterday, I tried being "friends" with that girl by going to see a movie with her and a few of our friends. It made realize that I need to distance myself if I want to get over her. I've been completely obsessed with her for the past two months. It also doesn't help having her talk to me every other day whether it's on the phone or Facebook. I really want to get over her but I can't imagine anyone better then her.

The best way to get over her is to cut off all communications with her. And I mean all. The most you can get is hanging out with her friends, and even then you're walking a thin line. Out of sight, out of mind. It isn't easy, but you have to force yourself. Although it may seem impossible at first, once you get her out of your life you'll stop thinking of her.

God, I have the same problem. I've never been able to do it either. It's awful. I always end up having to completely sever the person from my life completely. It may be awkward, but it's the healthiest method for me. If you're having trouble with the break-up, I highly recommend it. Girls seem to think that it eases the pain of the breakup if they still want to be friends, but in reality it makes it much, much worse, because you want to move on but feel awkward doing it.

This.

Confidence... that's the biggest issue. My confidence comes from being alone, being anonymous, being in a new area, completely alone. As strange as that sounds, it's true. I've spent so much time in my life being mocked and beaten up by peers that any chance to redeem myself in the eyes of strangers who have never met me is practically orgasmic. Here, at home... around people that know me wherever I go... with the whispers of the past following me and awkward conversations with people I would rather forget, I'm not confident at all.

Were I at college, I would have asked her out already. I don't know how I would have done it, but I would have. Here... I just can't do it. Because I know the reaction. I know the people in this area, and I know how they act towards me. I know that I wouldn't be able to set foot within an hours' drive of this town on a date without having some random person mock me to hell for absolutely no reason. My dad says I overreact to the teasing, that it's just meant in jest, but I can't take it... I really can't. It drives me crazy, and it's one of the reasons I hate this area. They mock people for fun... it never crosses their mind that someone might have low self-esteem and need all the help they can get. So... I can't do it. I want to... but every time I think about it I think back to the sheer amount of teasing I will have to deal with if I went through with it, and I lose all confidence.

Besides that, I don't even know that she's interested. She's never really spoken to me... never shown any interest in me whatsoever... but then again, I've never talked to her, either. But she's supposed to be the outgoing one, and she's never talked to me. Ever. I just hear her conversations with other people, and with my dad occasionally. So idk...

Just ask her. If you keep being paranoid about what others think, like your old peers, you'll regret it. Just force yourself.

[YoshiStar]

Yeah there's no easy way to do it man. It's either one way or the other, which sucks. Sometimes you just gotta do it. There's a beauty in its simplicity, and if you really grasp the idea of just doing it, it'll be good.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Just ask her. If you keep being paranoid about what others think, like your old peers, you'll regret it. Just force yourself.

It's all about my parents. It's not even about self-esteem as much as it's about them. And I don't understand why. I thought at one point that it might have something to do with adults that were older than me, but I don't have a problem with that when I'm alone. The common factor among all my shyness issues is my parents. When I have the slightest fear that something I might do or say could get back to them... I can't be myself. I'm more shy. More reserved. More quiet. And I don't understand why. I think it's because I don't trust them to NOT mock me. I know how they are... they mock me about everything, constantly. The slighest thing goes wrong, and they mock me for it for days. Something like a relationship issue, especially if they know the girl... that's fodder for years. I would quite literally never hear the end of it. You heard how my dad was about the girl he wants me to date... now imagine if I really was dating a girl that he knows. It would be magnified times 10. I wouldn't be able to sleep for the mocking and awkward questions. So I don't do it. When I'm with my parents, I rarely say anything. I rarely joke, I rarely talk to strangers or otherwise, I rarely laugh... I shut down. The result is that they think I'm much more shy than I really am, and treat me as such, as though I'm some sort of social inept. And so the circle continues.

They don't even have to be there. If I'm alone, I can joke freely. I can talk and be semi-outgoing and fun. But if there's a chance that someone they know well might tell them what I did or said, I shut down again. And I don't do anything bad... there's no reason that I shouldn't want them to know, it's not like I'm doing drugs or something. But I still shut down, even though all I'm doing is being me. And the crazy thing is, they want me to be more outgoing. They would love for me to be less shy. But I can't do it around them, because the way they go about trying to break my shell makes me feel awkward and draw up deeper within it.

So that's where this girl is... she's between me, the real me, wanting desperately for some chance to escape this constricting hell and be free for a few hours and have fun with someone... and me in my parent's world, the me in sleep mode, the me that can't do anything if there's a chance my parents will hear about it. Not because I care about them knowing what I did, but because my social anxieties can't stand their inevitable teasing about what I did.

[Mariolee]

It's all about my parents. It's not even about self-esteem as much as it's about them. And I don't understand why. I thought at one point that it might have something to do with adults that were older than me, but I don't have a problem with that when I'm alone. The common factor among all my shyness issues is my parents. When I have the slightest fear that something I might do or say could get back to them... I can't be myself. I'm more shy. More reserved. More quiet. And I don't understand why. I think it's because I don't trust them to NOT mock me. I know how they are... they mock me about everything, constantly. The slighest thing goes wrong, and they mock me for it for days. Something like a relationship issue, especially if they know the girl... that's fodder for years. I would quite literally never hear the end of it. You heard how my dad was about the girl he wants me to date... now imagine if I really was dating a girl that he knows. It would be magnified times 10. I wouldn't be able to sleep for the mocking and awkward questions. So I don't do it. When I'm with my parents, I rarely say anything. I rarely joke, I rarely talk to strangers or otherwise, I rarely laugh... I shut down. The result is that they think I'm much more shy than I really am, and treat me as such, as though I'm some sort of social inept. And so the circle continues.

They don't even have to be there. If I'm alone, I can joke freely. I can talk and be semi-outgoing and fun. But if there's a chance that someone they know well might tell them what I did or said, I shut down again. And I don't do anything bad... there's no reason that I shouldn't want them to know, it's not like I'm doing drugs or something. But I still shut down, even though all I'm doing is being me. And the crazy thing is, they want me to be more outgoing. They would love for me to be less shy. But I can't do it around them, because the way they go about trying to break my shell makes me feel awkward and draw up deeper within it.

So that's where this girl is... she's between me, the real me, wanting desperately for some chance to escape this constricting hell and be free for a few hours and have fun with someone... and me in my parent's world, the me in sleep mode, the me that can't do anything if there's a chance my parents will hear about it. Not because I care about them knowing what I did, but because my social anxieties can't stand their inevitable teasing about what I did.

Ah, I see. That would explain why you are way more comfortable with girls in college away from your family. I would say talk to them, but I'm not sure if everything will actually work out. Well, you're never going to avoid it. If you ever get serious with a girl, they'll always be there, through phone or in real life, to tease you about it. Maybe that's just how they say they're proud of you. They're giddy with excitement that you have a girlfriend. I want to say ignore them, but this ignoring would be different than ignoring your former peers. It might be unhealthy to ignore them. Really, just date the girl if she'll make you happy, and take the teasing like a man. Hey, why don't you just tease back?

[slimd1995]

So, that girl who I said gave me her number and everything, we ended talking for a few hours, and then a few hours today also. But, I think she may have just gotten back together with her ex.

Fuck, why does this shit have to happen on the rare occasion that I actually get interested in a girl?

[Mariolee]

So, that girl who I said gave me her number and everything, we ended talking for a few hours, and then a few hours today also. But, I think she may have just gotten back together with her ex.

Fuck, why does this shit have to happen on the rare occasion that I actually get interested in a girl?

Man, that sucks. Are you sure she got back with her ex? How do you know?

[slimd1995]

Man, that sucks. Are you sure she got back with her ex? How do you know?

I'm not 100%. A close friend of hers told me that she THINKS they got back together.

[Mariolee]

I'm not 100%. A close friend of hers told me that she THINKS they got back together.

Don't give up!

[slimd1995]

Just texted her and asked her straight up, and she said that they didn't get back together. Well, that's a relief.

[TheKoopaDasher]

Just texted her and asked her straight up, and she said that they didn't get back together. Well, that's a relief.

Go get 'em, tiger.