The Relationships Thread of Discussing the Enigma that is Women

[beardedwalrus]

If you want to be up to date on my fucked up love life, check the big wall of text I posted a month or two back. Basically the girl who I referred to as "Red" in that post is still driving me nuts. I have more feelings for her now than I ever have, but I am so far in the friend zone I don't even have a prayer of making things work again. My attempts to be nice to her and flirt with her have done nothing but secure me a spot as her best friend. I believe she is completely oblivious to the fact that I still have feelings for her, but I think things are just going to have to stay like this for now. I'll just have to try my very best to keep my cool whenever she in any way expresses any sort of interest in another guy. Even though it makes me want to throw up in my hands.

[slimd1995]

Is it weird at all to be in High School, but find a girl in Middle School to be attractive?

[stevencho]

Is it weird at all to be in High School, but find a girl in Middle School to be attractive?

Not at all. You can't help who you find attraction to. It's when people start forming relationships that people begin to draw lines. And socially, a Middle/High school relationship is not encouraged.

[slimd1995]

Not at all. You can't help who you find attraction to. It's when people start forming relationships that people begin to draw lines. And socially, a Middle/High school relationship is not encouraged.

I'm only 2 or 3 years older than her, so I don't think it would that weird if we had a relationship.

[stevencho]

I'm only 2 or 3 years older than her, so I don't think it would that weird if we had a relationship.

You are most certainly entitled to be with whoever you want to be. I'm just saying if that were to happen here, it would not be highly thought of. It just breaks a certain social barrier where I come from. The case might not be the same for you tho. It's ultimately your judgment and choice.

[YoshiStar]

Middle school is a bit weird cause like people are usually still going through puberty :S

[Mariolee]

I would go with something special rather than spending lots of money. But I wouldn't know what would be special without knowing her. There's always the generic flowers, card, stuffed animal stuff..

I've decided to break up with her next Wednesday. She's pretty stressed about making up for tests since she's been gone for the past week and I don't want to aly it all this relationship crap on her.

As for Middle School girls. Don't do it, in my opinion. Wait until they're older and wiser, because in Middle school, they know nothing about having a mature relationship. So unless you can deal with that kind of stuff or she's not like that at all, I'd advise to steer away.

[mchapra]

I am confused about my sexual orientation.(No, seriously.)

That is all.

[ColonCatastrophe]

I've decided to break up with her next Wednesday. She's pretty stressed about making up for tests since she's been gone for the past week and I don't want to aly it all this relationship crap on her.

As for Middle School girls. Don't do it, in my opinion. Wait until they're older and wiser, because in Middle school, they know nothing about having a mature relationship. So unless you can deal with that kind of stuff or she's not like that at all, I'd advise to steer away.

That could potentially be said about a percentage of high school girls as well. Thankfully I had one girlfriend for about a year and a half at the tail-end of high school, and two or three others throughout the other years, but all turned out... Bad. Beh. Anyways, WALL!

So, the girl who I posted about back in early December... Well, here's where we are at. We've established how I feel. We still talk every night online, and then we talk on the phone before going to sleep, which usually lasts between 20 minutes and 90 minutes. Every night. Obviously there has to be something if we can talk each night that often and not get bored of each other.

Well, I still go to her house every Friday and Saturday, and she comes over once or twice during the week (she's coming over today, wooot!) So, I gave her the presents I had gotten her, and the best part was the last time I was there, she wore the shirt and Keyblade necklace I got her (the other shirt was a Red Chord shirt, but she'd look totally awesome in it) and a lot of people on Facebook commented on the Keyblade necklace. It makes me feel like I succeeded, so I'm happy about that. I also created a hardcover book for her with some nice images and lyrics from our favorite songs. It's more of a concept book. Finally, I wrote her a small note for every day from January 21st until January 30th, because her family was supposed to go down to Oklahoma to see her sister's baby, but that fell through. Along with the notes, I wrote a 3 1/2 page letter explaining how I felt. I didn't want to give it to her, but I did and she read it.

Our problem is this... It's not the friend-zone. I can easily say I'm the closest person to her right now. She's having problems getting over her ex, who was her first real boyfriend, and it lasted about two years. I'm not afraid of being compared to him, because honestly, I know I can treat her better than he did. Come on, we're pretty much all men on VGBA, and we're the kind of guys who are trustworthy, always there, always willing to help, and always crazy over the unattainable.

So, she knows that she will be worse off soon because it'll really hit her, and we've discussed that. She's said that there's a chance she will not talk to me for awhile, but I told her I'm not letting her go in her time of need. I've shown that I'm here for her no matter what. I've listened to her talk about him so often, and I tell her there's better guys out there.

We have explored how we feel about each other. When she comes over, we lay together on my bed and usually are close. We've held hands. We are just really close, in all honesty. She just is finding out who she is at this point in her life, and I am seeing that she is the most wonderful, amazing woman.

We (Her, my best friend Sam who was bassist of the band I was in, her younger brother Sam, her parents and I) all went on vacation together for her younger brother Sam's birthday. What happened wasn't the best... So, we stayed in a cabin at a huge hotel in Wisconsin Dells, and Sam (bassist) and I slept on bunk beds. Steph was up in the top with me, and we were laying together just playing and stuff at around 2. Sam got up and went to the living room, and then got in his car and left for awhile... So Steph and I went to her room and started drawing and talking. I saw her with no make-up, in her pajamas, and I was still so attracted to her. She also let me wear one of her shirts to bed since all I had was a button up shirt... Finally around 4, Sam comes back.

It is like she's caught between us, but it's been established Sam is more of a friend than anything. She has said there is a possibility between her and I. But, when that possibility would happen, I do not know. Her and I both set November as the cutoff for when we both leave Wisconsin and move to new places. I'm selling all my video games and DVDs and Blus to fund my trip. She has picked Texas as where she's moving back to. So, if her and I were to get together, I'd most definitely go. No doubt about it. Even if we fell apart, I would still be okay, because I would be out of Wisconsin.

She told me she wrote me a letter back and I'm hoping to get it today, so I know honestly where I stand. If I have no chance, I need to know. If, once she's over her ex, she's willing to give me a chance, I WILL wait. I just need to know...

[Mariolee]

It almost seems like you guys are dating already, if all that holding hands and bed stuff is true.

[HolyCowfartsBatman]

@Mub:

It's very possible you're bi-curious.

It's perfectly normal whilst going through puberty and will wear off after a little while. I've heard that if you want to find out which "side you bat for" is to simply try both.

[ColonCatastrophe]

It almost seems like you guys are dating already, if all that holding hands and bed stuff is true.

I read the letter she had written for me, and it's pretty much a 90% chance that we probably wouldn't work out. There's still 10% that it could potentially work, which I do believe, but at least now I know exactly how she feels. It's gonna be a long night of conversation, but, I guess I can begin to try and move on. yay.

[beardedwalrus]

I think 95% of guys around here have felt that feeling. Women always bitch about how guys don't treat them right, and then the good ones are put into the friend-zone. They don't realize what the friend-zone feels like, especially when you're willing to sacrifice so much for them... And seeing them with another guy does hurt. It just seems like you're settling for being friends, which isn't a bad thing, but if you like her, you can't let it build up.

This was posted a while back about something I had said. I don't know what it is, but something about what ColonCatastrophe said here has just stuck with me. It's almost like what I have always wanted to say, but could never put it in words. I'm going through a situation right now where this just hits the nail right on the head. I am so far in the friend zone with this girl I have practically fallen head over heels for, and all she ever does is complain about how other guys treat her. I don't know if any of you can relate, but being "BFFs" with the girl you secretly love is a terrible, terrible feeling.

ColonCatastrophe, if you are reading this, thanks for saying what you said. Cause it really has helped, in a way.

[ColonCatastrophe]

This was posted a while back about something I had said. I don't know what it is, but something about what ColonCatastrophe said here has just stuck with me. It's almost like what I have always wanted to say, but could never put it in words. I'm going through a situation right now where this just hits the nail right on the head. I am so far in the friend zone with this girl I have practically fallen head over heels for, and all she ever does is complain about how other guys treat her. I don't know if any of you can relate, but being "BFFs" with the girl you secretly love is a terrible, terrible feeling.

ColonCatastrophe, if you are reading this, thanks for saying what you said. Cause it really has helped, in a way.

I appreciate that, actually. I won't say I'm even good at relationships, so my advice is me just shooting and hoping something I say makes sense. As you can tell, I'm in an awkward friend-zone situation too, and it does hurt. It hurts because we're willing to give our all to prove to that one girl that if they would look and listen and see what we offer, and see how we are damn good for them, then they might realize they have a guy who would stick with them through the good times and bad and always be a shoulder to cry on, always be a congratulatory response for anything positive, and always be true to them.

My best advice? Damn the consequences and say what you have to say. In my case, I've tried to hold back and not really let my true feelings be known, but I can see that doesn't do anything positive. There's three possible outcomes, and in all honesty, they all seem better than letting your feelings eat away at you... You tell her and she stops being your friend, you tell her and she knows how you feel but it doesn't jade your friendship, or you tell her and she sees truly who you are. If a girl would stop being your friend because you think she's amazing and wonderful, then you know what? Fuck her, it's her loss.

Women DO NOT know what they want. They say they want a nice guy who is wonderful, but then they go for the guy who won't treat them well. When they're 30 and married, and they look at the man they are married to, they realize sometimes, the best thing was in front of them and they passed.

Maybe this response is fueled by my sadness right now, but I realize that after two 14+ month relationships in five years and a dozen or so shorter relationships that if you find somebody you truly want to be with, and see how amazing they are, DON'T fuck around. Do it and let shit fall into place. You can't let yourself be dragged down by feelings of anger and regret... You like a girl, let her know.

[beardedwalrus]

I appreciate that, actually. I won't say I'm even good at relationships, so my advice is me just shooting and hoping something I say makes sense. As you can tell, I'm in an awkward friend-zone situation too, and it does hurt. It hurts because we're willing to give our all to prove to that one girl that if they would look and listen and see what we offer, and see how we are damn good for them, then they might realize they have a guy who would stick with them through the good times and bad and always be a shoulder to cry on, always be a congratulatory response for anything positive, and always be true to them.

My best advice? Damn the consequences and say what you have to say. In my case, I've tried to hold back and not really let my true feelings be known, but I can see that doesn't do anything positive. There's three possible outcomes, and in all honesty, they all seem better than letting your feelings eat away at you... You tell her and she stops being your friend, you tell her and she knows how you feel but it doesn't jade your friendship, or you tell her and she sees truly who you are. If a girl would stop being your friend because you think she's amazing and wonderful, then you know what? Fuck her, it's her loss.

Women DO NOT know what they want. They say they want a nice guy who is wonderful, but then they go for the guy who won't treat them well. When they're 30 and married, and they look at the man they are married to, they realize sometimes, the best thing was in front of them and they passed.

Maybe this response is fueled by my sadness right now, but I realize that after two 14+ month relationships in five years and a dozen or so shorter relationships that if you find somebody you truly want to be with, and see how amazing they are, DON'T fuck around. Do it and let shit fall into place. You can't let yourself be dragged down by feelings of anger and regret... You like a girl, let her know.

You're 100% right. But there's one problem. I'm a fucking pussy when it comes to stuff like this. She is such an amazing friend to me, and I don't want to risk that. She is afraid of awkward situations. She literally stopped acknowledging my existence for over a year when we broke up. I just know she will stop talking to me. I think I can start to sense my feelings for her maybe fade a bit, so maybe if I can diminish the pain of her not knowing how I feel, I can make a sort of "compromise". She's actually been acting kinda weird lately. Even though I am an Atheist (Which she does not know. Another thing that would end our friendship if I told her.), I never judge people on religion. Religion is personal choice, and as long as it doesn't affect me, I don't care one bit. But lately it's just seems like she is trying so hard to be a good Christian, she is losing that personality that I was so attracted to in the first place. I can't even say the word "slut" without her going into preach mode. And this is a girl that, a month ago, cussed more than I do. I'm just beginning to think that maybe we're better off as friends. Even if something did happen, and we started dating again, I can't see it being a strong relationship. It seems like that if we did start dating again, I would only be setting myself up for getting heartbroken in about a month or two. Does that makes sense?

[stevencho]

I'm in kind of a dilemma...

So there's this amazing girl who I have liked nearly my entire life (10+ years) and recently we have been getting really close. We have always been pretty good friends. But we both just recently got out of relationships and started talking more. Like texting all day and talking every night kind of stuff. But here's the thing. Even though were getting closer and more attached, she still is unsure on whether or not she wants to start a relationship. She goes from telling me she loves me one day to calling me her "best friend" the next. It's very confusing and it's like she doesnt know what she wants to do. So I'm kinda just stuck here waiting on her.

But then.... there is this other girl... She's really awesome, super hot, and funny and is in to me. She texts me everyday and I know for sure I could start a relationship with her if I wanted to. And I probably would because I do like her, it's just I might have the chance to be with someone I have liked my entire life. But I know this chance to be with the second girl isn't gonna last forever and that's where I don't know what to do...

Do I choose to keep working on a potential relationship with a girl I've liked my entire life even if it never happens or do I choose to start a relationship with a girl I haven't liked as long but I know will work and I know is a limited time offer...

[Mariolee]

Go on a date or two with each of them. Don't just choose a girlfriend. Try to have a romantic dinner with both, and see who you click with the most.

[Flexx]

I'm in a bit of a predicament: there's this girl whom I've been getting quite close with over the past few weeks, and I think starting up a relationship with her is looking pretty likely. However, there's a problem---one of my closest friends (female) absolutely hates this girl with a passion, and I would almost certainly lose her friendship if I chose to start up a relationship with this girl.

I know I shouldn't be giving priority to this girl over my friend, but my hormones are telling me otherwise. Do I keep it discreet, go ahead with it, or not do it at all?

[Mariolee]

I'm in a bit of a predicament: there's this girl whom I've been getting quite close with over the past few weeks, and I think starting up a relationship with her is looking pretty likely. However, there's a problem---one of my closest friends (female) absolutely hates this girl with a passion, and I would almost certainly lose her friendship if I chose to start up a relationship with this girl.

I know I shouldn't be giving priority to this girl over my friend, but my hormones are telling me otherwise. Do I keep it discreet, go ahead with it, or not do it at all?

What kind of best friend isn't cool with who you date. If she's really your best friend, she'll deal with it.

[LaserSonic1029]

I'm in a bit of a predicament: there's this girl whom I've been getting quite close with over the past few weeks, and I think starting up a relationship with her is looking pretty likely. However, there's a problem---one of my closest friends (female) absolutely hates this girl with a passion, and I would almost certainly lose her friendship if I chose to start up a relationship with this girl.

I know I shouldn't be giving priority to this girl over my friend, but my hormones are telling me otherwise. Do I keep it discreet, go ahead with it, or not do it at all?

Pals over gals
I think that's what they say