The Relationships Thread of Discussing the Enigma that is Women

[xXDa_KidXx]

Well that had nothing to do with me being fat...
What exactly do women want in men's appearance?
Cause i'm a heavy guy.

[Vengeance]

It didn't have anything to do with you being big. It was about your confidence - and that's the main thing. As Delicious1 said last page, it's why the jocks and assholes get loads of pussy and you don't. You've got this idea in your head that because you're a little overweight you can never find love or be accepted by a woman, and that needs to go ASAP.

Yes, if you look like George Clooney, girls are gonna wanna go out with you. I won't deny that being better-looking than everyone else is gonna help, but that's not all. Confidence, confidence, confidence. Go up to a chick and say "Hey, mind if I take you out sometime?". Fuck everything else, man. It's not easy to do, but once you've got over that initial hurdle, it gets easier the more you try it. It's gonna take balls to do it, but chicks dig that. They dig confidence, and if you have the confidence to go up and ask them out, then they might dig that (MIGHT). As I said before, if she says yes, then great! If she says no, who cares? I tell who you shouldn't care, and that's you. The only thing you should be caring about is that you had the nuts to do something you only dreamed of before, and that you're the fuckin' man.

If it helps, I know some chubby people who have really pretty girlfriends with nice bodies, so don't think it's impossible. It's ALL about confidence.

[xXDa_KidXx]

It didn't have anything to do with you being big. It was about your confidence - and that's the main thing.

If it helps, I know some pretty chubby people who have really pretty girlfriends with nice bodies, so don't think it's impossible. It's ALL about confidence.

Ok, ill take your word for it.

[KoopaDasher]

So get this... as you might recall from Post #94, I've been talking to this girl that completely screwed me over against my better judgment. We had a good thing going, we had good chemistry, it was working out well... and then she just stopped talking to me. And I really had no idea why. I could only assume that it was because I was a bit farther along on the attraction scale than she was, and that scared her. So anyway, as Post #94 says, she just signed on to MSN to talk to me after three weeks of silence. Guess what she's been doing for three weeks... why I haven't heard from her, why she stopped talking to me. She's been having lesbian sex with one of her best friends. Now, I'm going to let the great irony of that sink in as I go ponder in a corner how the fuck I meet these people continually.

[Delicious1]

So get this... as you might recall from Post #94, I've been talking to this girl that completely screwed me over against my better judgment. We had a good thing going, we had good chemistry, it was working out well... and then she just stopped talking to me. And I really had no idea why. I could only assume that it was because I was a bit farther along on the attraction scale than she was, and that scared her. So anyway, as Post #94 says, she just signed on to MSN to talk to me after three weeks of silence. Guess what she's been doing for three weeks... why I haven't heard from her, why she stopped talking to me. She's been having lesbian sex with one of her best friends. Now, I'm going to let the great irony of that sink in as I go ponder in a corner how the fuck I meet these people continually.

Oh my god man, you really need to stop worrying about ethics, morals, being the good guy, and falling in love and living happily ever after, and somehow figure out a way to have a 3some with these 2 chicks. The fact that she told you about it could be a good or bad thing. Either she likes you enough as a friend to trust you with this info (meaning you're stuck in the friends-zone with yet another chick), or she's still kinda interested in you. And if she's still interested then you have a shot, it's a long shot, but it's not impossible.

[KoopaDasher]

Oh my god man, you really need to stop worrying about ethics, morals, being the good guy, and falling in love and living happily ever after, and somehow figure out a way to have a 3some with these 2 chicks.

I don't care low I get... how depressed I may be, how much I may hate life and everyone in it. I will never, ever, under any circumstances, with anyone, have a three-some. The very IDEA of such an event disgusts me to no end. The mere IDEA that she would do something like that with another girl disgusts me to no end. I can't even consider the possibility of seeing her again after this... I've been on the verge of vomiting every since I found out. It's just... completely, utterly, and horribly disgusting. I would NEVER be involved with that.

[Mariolee]

You're just gonna have to step up and do it. Break up with her. When you're Christmas break? Now? It seems like you have plenty of time before Christmas, so I'd do it now before it gets worse. You probably aren't too keen about spending your Christmas break with her. Think about it - break up with her now and enjoy your break, break up with her in three weeks and get her really depressed over the cheeriest time of the year (and look like a massive dick) or be with her for another two months and then break up?

I think I'm going to look like a massive dick anytime I break up with her. I was planning to break up with her the day before Christmas break (which is like a week before Christmas, giving her time to be depressed, and then get over it), because I know how stressed out she gets about this, and I don't want it affecting her Midterm scores and projects. I care about her as a best friend, just not as a boyfriend.

[Delicious1]

I think I'm going to look like a massive dick anytime I break up with her. I was planning to break up with her the day before Christmas break (which is like a week before Christmas, giving her time to be depressed, and then get over it), because I know how stressed out she gets about this, and I don't want it affecting her Midterm scores and projects. I care about her as a best friend, just not as a boyfriend.

You are going to look like a dick no matter when you break it off, but the closer to the holidays the bigger the dick you look like. But if you break up with her now, you're going to be a dick for ruining her Thanksgiving. You should do it this coming weekend, after Thanksgiving, but still far enough away from the end of December for her to be over it by then (hopefully). No matter what you're going to lose her as a best friend, at least for awhile, but probably for a long time. I know you're trying to be the good guy, but that's impossible when you're the one initiating the break-up. Her and maybe even some of her friends are going to hate you for awhile.

[Mariolee]

You are going to look like a dick no matter when you break it off, but the closer to the holidays the bigger the dick you look like. But if you break up with her now, you're going to be a dick for ruining her Thanksgiving. You should do it this coming weekend, after Thanksgiving, but still far enough away from the end of December for her to be over it by then (hopefully). No matter what you're going to lose her as a best friend, at least for awhile, but probably for a long time. I know you're trying to be the good guy, but that's impossible when you're the one initiating the break-up. Her and maybe even some of her friends are going to hate you for awhile.

Don't worry, I'm anticipating the hate and scorn. At this point, it's a given. I'm just caring about how this will affect her, and I think one week is enough time to get over me.

[KoopaDasher]

God DAMN this sucks ASS!!! GGAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[Mariolee]

God DAMN this sucks ASS!!! GGAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Not vague at all. I fell for this bait hook, line, and sinker.

[KoopaDasher]

Girl I've been completely and utterly head-over-heels crazy about for nearly two years, while talking to me:

"Hey, I got laid this weekend. It was pretty awesome."


Fuck. My. Life.

[ColonCatastrophe]

Girl I've been completely and utterly head-over-heels crazy about for nearly two years, while talking to me:

"Hey, I got laid this weekend. It was pretty awesome."


Fuck. My. Life.

Why would you even want to hear that? Sometimes women are as clueless as we can be. That's shitty, though... Did you ever tell her how you actually felt?


I have a conondrum as well, and I'm looking to the VGBA-Romeos and Rominas to maybe give me a little help. I'll go into some backstory, so be prepared for wall of text.


So, I used to play drums in a band called Phenomenecronomicon. We were one of the four or five bands in our are, which included two older-dood-bar-metal bands and a deathcore band. The scene up here is gone now, but we had people who would come out to see us. Of those, there were a new brother and sister, who we will just call Ctephanie and Cam, who can out all the time. We all became good enough friends with em, and they always would come and see us play and enjoy it. Well, Ctephanie had a crush on our singer, but he got back together with his ex-girlfriend.

So, fast forward to earlier in the summer, Cteph and I start talking a bit again. We're both taken, both having relationship troubles, but really enjoying talking to each other. I had a bit of a crush on her. Well, we both went through break-ups, then I got together with a friend from high school, but her and I just weren't right for each other and I'm going through a bit of a rough spot.

Well, Cteph and I decide to do something back on the weekend of the 28th of November. We went down to Appleton with her brother and our friend Sam (who was bassist for The Nom, as well. Sam and I are extremely old friends.) I get that feeling in my stomach. Usually, since I am so emotionally vulnerable, I can tell a little bit what women want, but other times it's 100% impossible to read them. They are always either "I'm so glad you told me you like me!" or "Well, that's interesting..." but never in the middle.

So, we all have a great night. Now, since that day, Cteph and I talk somewhere between 7 or 8 hours a day, which might seem crazy, but it's not too bad. She gets online at 8 PM or so, and we talk until around 3 or 4. My sleep pattern is completely screwed now, but I don't care. Talking to her is the best part of my day.

Earlier last week, I told her how I felt, because I ALWAYS keep my emotions in. She says she likes me too, but isn't in the best place right now either, which is a common girl response. I don't pay it much mind, because I think if we can have some alone time and see how great things are when it's just us, I can hopefully woo her.

So, Sam and I went to her house on Saturday and had a blast. We colored (shut it.) and Sam and I did some crazy stuff, and we just all around had a great time. Also, Cteph laid on me for awhile while Sam was on the floor. She flirted a bit and seemed to really enjoy our time together.

So, Sam and I left after playing some video games with her and her brother, and we talked online afterwards. She acted like she really did enjoy being together. Also, at the end of the night, I always get a heart when we go to bed, but that most likely is just her way of saying, "Kirb-dude, you're awesome!" I can only hope...

So now, I call her every morning to wake her up, as per her request, not my creepy over-indulgent ways. We get along so well, we talk so much, she talks about cuddling, and she definitely cares... But I don't want just friend zone, because I know I would be great for her, and she would be wonderful for me. I don't want to push my luck, but I also don't want to pull the "asshole" card and just ignore her. My biggest fault is that I care wayyyy too much, and I feel like right now is the time I have to prove to her that taking a chance is worth it.

I'll probably pick her up and bring her down to my house for some DDR and films this week, and if all goes well, I'll ask her to come here again or go to her house again alone, and if by the third time everything seems really well, I'll just straight up ask her. I hate being reserved, I hate being social awkward, I completely hate being a shut in (it's winter, not totally my fault) and I just hate that the wrong guys get the girls.

Any suggestions on how I should approach this? Maybe I should cut back on the talking? She did say last night that it's what she looks most forward to during the day as well, though, and I can't deprive her of this... Alright, yeah, I'll work on the confidence thing

tl;dr - LIKE GIRL PLZ HALP.

[Mariolee]

Girl I've been completely and utterly head-over-heels crazy about for nearly two years, while talking to me:

"Hey, I got laid this weekend. It was pretty awesome."


Fuck. My. Life.

I'm going to punch you in the face Koopadasher. I told you time after time to move on, to not dwell on her. I know it's difficult, I even told you it would be. And you ignored what I was saying, and you kept on pursuing her, thinking that she might, just maybe, return and love you somehow. GO OUT THERE AND GET OTHER WOMEN. Assume the worst, and think to yourself that she will not like you. That way the thousands of beautiful women that will have a chance with you, and maybe she might come back, but you won't really care at that point.

You set yourself up for this one Koopa.

[KoopaDasher]

I'm going to punch you in the face Koopadasher. I told you time after time to move on, to not dwell on her. I know it's difficult, I even told you it would be. And you ignored what I was saying, and you kept on pursuing her, thinking that she might, just maybe, return and love you somehow. GO OUT THERE AND GET OTHER WOMEN. Assume the worst, and think to yourself that she will not like you. That way the thousands of beautiful women that will have a chance with you, and maybe she might come back, but you won't really care at that point.

You set yourself up for this one Koopa.

The thing is, I simply don't have an interest in other girls right now. I know this girl. I've known her for a long time. She's pretty much the only person in real life that actually gets to see me act like KoopaDasher, because in real life I'm far too shy to ever have the confidence to do half the things I do here... except when I'm around her. Being around her is like a shot of liquid courage. I'm comfortable around her, she knows me, we know each other inside and out. And I KNOW it's never going to happen. And even if it did, I know there are too many moral differences between us.

But whenever I think of asking out another girl... like the girl in my health class that I think might be interested in me... I start thinking about dating. And picking her up and picking the right restaurant and wearing the right clothes and having the perfectly clean car and saying exactly the right things at exactly the right time and not making any moves but making just enough moves so that she doesn't think I'm awkward around her and AAAUAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!! It's too STRESSFUL. I don't see how ANYONE could POSSIBLY EVER think dating is fun, or enjoyable. All I've ever gotten from dating is stress and panic. That's why I prefer going for girls that I already know, because there's a level of comfort there in going for someone you know well, there's no stress. But every time I think about asking another girl out I think about the stress of dating and I talk myself right out of it before I even get started.

[Delicious1]

Colon it kinda sounds like you have a good plan. Just be sure to remind her of how you really feel because if you wait too long you will end up in friends zone for sure.

Koopa if you have been talking to this girl for over a year, and she feels comfortable enough around you to talk to you about her sex life, then you're in the friends zone. There is no getting out of the friends zone. You have 2 options. 1: Tell her how you feel, and probably lose her as a friend, 2: continue to hide your feelings and torture yourself because she will never be with you. Either way it's a lose-lose. Game over man, move on.

[beardedwalrus]

Alright. Let's do this. Bigass wall of text time.

Ok, so let's start about 5 years ago. At this time I had been going to real school (I am homeschooled) every Friday for about a year to this thing called Challenge. Challenge is basically a program for gifted students. Students from all of the schools in my county would get picked up and ride the bus to a central location where we would do a fairly advanced class involving mainly critical thinking and puzzling things. So about a year into going to this, a new girl shows up in class. We'll call her Red (I'd rather not give out her name). Keep in mind, at this time I am 10. Immediately I realize that this girl is amazing. She's gorgeous, smart, funny, and has the best personality in the whole world. We keep going to this Challenge class for about a year when I decide to leave. I never thought it would bother me to leave, but as soon as I left I kind of realized that I would most likely never see her again. It bothered me quite a bit, but eventually I got over it and kind of forgot about her.

Now fast forward to winter of 2008.
I was going to the middle-school talent show to see my friend Jake's band play. About half-way through it, to my surprise, Red is called on stage. I knew Red sang, but I had never heard her, so I didn't know what to expect. Immediately after seeing her, I started having flash-backs of those days in Challenge when I used to be so fond of her. She was just as gorgeous as the day I met her. She started singing, and she was amazing. Everyone was blown away. I saw her mother crying and she had to leave the room. I was in shock. I knew I had to start talking to this girl again. She was too perfect for me not to at least make an effort. I found her on facebook the next day. I friended her, and within a few days, we were talking somewhat regularly. We would talk and think back on the Challenge days. I was taking things slow and easy. I realized that she was just as great and was the same person I liked so much in 6th grade. Within about a month, we were texting from the time we got up till the time we would go to bed. I knew there was a chance that she liked me, but I was too much of a whimp to ask her out. We keep talking regularly till about summertime of '09. I finally decide that it's time to ask her out. I ask her to go to the movies with me. She said she would love to. For about 30 minutes I had the stupidest grin on my face that you could possibly imagine. I was ecstatic. So that night we go to the movies to see Harry Potter 6. I am completely blown away that I was actually on a date with her. So blown away that I didn't even know what to say or how to act. I didn't know if it would be creepy or not to hold her hand or not, so I decided not to. But still, it was one of the best nights of my life. Everything was perfect. That night after we had taken her home, she texts me and tells me that she liked me and that she wanted to hold my hand, but was too afraid. I can't even begin to explain how happy this made me. About a week later we made it official. We were in a relationship. My first ever relationship to be exact.

So one Saturday I go over to her house on our first "real" date to meet her family, and just spend some quality time with her. It turns out her family is fucking amazing. I adored them. They were the coolest people I have ever met. Me and Red were having the best time ever. Of course, I acted like an idiot mainly out of nervousness, but it wasn't too bad. So late that night we are on her couch watching a Journey DVD. A song comes on that we had been calling "Our song" for a while (Stupid, I know, but sweet nonetheless). I finally muster up the courage to hold her hand. She takes my hand, and starts to lay on me. We probably laid there holding each other for two hours. It was like I was in a dream. I felt like everything I had hoped for since 6th grade was finally coming true. Right before I left, she kissed me on the cheek, and I went home. It was the perfect night. Better than any night I have ever had. I felt on top of the world.

So about a week has passed, and I go over to her place again. It went very much like the first night. We spent most of the time cuddled up on the couch which we loved so much. After a few hours of pure happiness, she invites me to her room. We both know we are about to kiss. It was awkward mainly because of nervousness, but eventually it happened. We were kissing. This, my friends, is when disaster struck. Something about the kiss just didn't feel right. I don't know if it was nerves or what, but we both knew something went wrong. We never really said it. We just kind of awkwardly looked at each other and then decided to go back downstairs. I go downstairs, and she says to wait for her. She has to do something in her room. I don't think much of it, so I start to play with her little sister (I believe she was 5 or 6 at the time). She is up there for like 10 minutes. I had no idea what she was doing. But anyway, she comes back down after a while. From there things were just awkward from the time she came down till the hug when I left. I was heartbroken because I knew, after that night, she was going to break up with me. I just knew it.

After that, the awkwardness continued. We weren't talking as often, and she was just a different person. I knew it was only a matter of time till she broke up with me. Sure enough, one day I get the "Hey, I really need to talk to you" text. My heart sank. Of course I played dumb and replied "What's up?". She gave me the whole "Oh it's not you, it's me" speech. I tried to play it cool and was just like "Okay cool, no problem". I wasn't okay.

For some reason after that, I just kept smiling. I didn't know why, but I was.....happy in a way. Happy that I didn't have to worry about her or be confused by her anymore. I was heartbroken, but at the same time relieved. I tried to maintain a friendship with her after that, but she ignored me as I expected. She had basically blocked me from her life.

Fast forward to about three months from now.
By this time, I was completely okay with everything. In fact, I had been okay with it since about two weeks after she broke up with me. But on this particular day, to my surprise, I get a Facebook IM. It was from Red. I was shocked, but kept talking to her. We talked that whole night, catching up with one another's lives. We started talking quite frequently after that. I hated to admit it, but it was almost like nothing had ever happened between us. Like before we ever started going out. It was just like those times when we would talk all day. Just happy conversation. I realized then, that even though I thought I was over her, I still liked her. She was just amazing. And, I almost felt like maybe she liked me too. But of course, she broke up with me about a year ago, so there was no way in hell I was going to ask her out and let her break my heart again. I knew that if anything was going to happen, she was going to be the one to start it.

So one night we are talking, and she asked the question that I had spent so much time wanting the know the answer to. She asked what the kiss was like from my perspective. Basically I told her what you read earlier. Just that I didn't know what happened, but it was pretty much just a royal screw-up. She began to tell me what really happened that night.

Apparently, she was convinced that everything was her fault, and that she had ruined everything. She told me that she felt like the kiss was awkward because of something she had done. She told me that the reason she stayed upstairs for so long that night is because she was crying. She broke up with me in an attempt to break things off. We kept talking that night, and one thing led to another, and I finally said it. I said that now that we both knew what happened that night, and that we both realize that our relationship should never have ended like it did, that I was open to the idea of trying to make things work again. She said she was too. We decided to sleep on it, and discuss things in the morning.

I got a text that morning. She said that she would rather just stay friends. Not because she didn't have feelings for me, but because she was very unsure on everything. She's going to be moving soon, and it was just a bad time. I was okay with it. I was unsure of everything as well.

We have been talking fairly frequently ever since then. We Skype regularly, and maintain a pretty good relationship. We are best friends now. She's actually supposed to be coming over to my place next weekend.

Still though, I can't help myself. I like this girl more than I have ever liked anyone in my life. She's perfect. It just makes me so happy whenever I get to see her beautiful face on Skype. I want to tell her how I really feel, but I don't think I ever can. I have decided that it's better for us to stay friends. I would rather be best friends with her, than risk telling her how I feel and losing that friendship. It may kill me inside to see her, and her not know how I feel, but I will just have to live with that. I don't know where things will go from here. We might remain friends, or maybe someday become more than friends. It's in her control now. I am happy with whatever happens.

I'll post again if anything ever happens. I may have some things to add after she comes over. But for right now, this is all I have to say. I doubt anyone will spend the time to read this, but it feels good to type it out. I should have done this a long time ago.

[ColonCatastrophe]

Stuff

I'm a bit interested to see where this goes. Honestly though, if you're fourteen right now, of course relationships are going to be weird. I'm in my twenties and I'm still awkward as hell around females, but they're like dinosaurs, you can't let them sense fear. I'm hoping to see that you two will give it another chance, because you're both young, like I said, and if you thought that was weird, wait until the next steps come into play with a female.


HEY HERE EDIT SEE!!!!

After reading through the rest, this is my personal take... Maybe she's scared the same awkward feelings might come back. It seemed like she was willing to give it another chance, but you may never know what will happen if you don't try. She knows you like her, you know she has feelings for you. Telling her that you're willing to work on whatever needs to be worked on if she accepts you back might help. The biggest thing is you can't leave it up to her. It's been mentioned before, and I'm even a person who's not good with it, but you need to be the man and take control and let her know. Your friendship won't be ruined if you tell her how you feel, it might be a little strained for a week or two, but it won't crumble.

[beardedwalrus]

I'm a bit interested to see where this goes. Honestly though, if you're fourteen right now, of course relationships are going to be weird. I'm in my twenties and I'm still awkward as hell around females, but they're like dinosaurs, you can't let them sense fear. I'm hoping to see that you two will give it another chance, because you're both young, like I said, and if you thought that was weird, wait until the next steps come into play with a female.

I found the time to finish my story, so you may want to check that out. I can see things being more awkward as I get older. A lot of the things that happened in our relationship probably would never have happened had we been older.

[beardedwalrus]

I'm a bit interested to see where this goes. Honestly though, if you're fourteen right now, of course relationships are going to be weird. I'm in my twenties and I'm still awkward as hell around females, but they're like dinosaurs, you can't let them sense fear. I'm hoping to see that you two will give it another chance, because you're both young, like I said, and if you thought that was weird, wait until the next steps come into play with a female.


HEY HERE EDIT SEE!!!!

After reading through the rest, this is my personal take... Maybe she's scared the same awkward feelings might come back. It seemed like she was willing to give it another chance, but you may never know what will happen if you don't try. She knows you like her, you know she has feelings for you. Telling her that you're willing to work on whatever needs to be worked on if she accepts you back might help. The biggest thing is you can't leave it up to her. It's been mentioned before, and I'm even a person who's not good with it, but you need to be the man and take control and let her know. Your friendship won't be ruined if you tell her how you feel, it might be a little strained for a week or two, but it won't crumble.

I wish it was like that, I really do. But I really think she is over me. It's not a matter of making things work now. It's just that I'm 99% sure that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. In fact, she has just recently told me about her crush she has on another guy. I don't know if you can relate, but hearing the girl I care this much for talk about how much she likes another guy makes me want to rip my face off. I can't take it. It drives me insane to think about it. I guess it's just my jealous personality, but it bothers me to no end to think of her going out with another guy. I saw a picture once of her going out to the prom with another guy. His arm was around her. I know it was just as friends, but I still wanted to hurt that kid. I just don't even know what to think at this point. I think I'll just stay friends with her for a while, and if ever the situation arises, I'll tell her how I feel, but right now I am in no position to tell her anything that I have posted here.