[RetroReview] Mega Man

[TheSlyder]

Somewhere in 1987 someone is looking at a box containing what will one day be considered a seed that grew into one of the fathers of modern video gaming. They look at the strange, potentially constipated and retarded man. He completely defies the laws of proportion and depth. They look at this video game box and they see what could be a high-schooler's fantasy-art project. The man on the box is yellow and blue. He's wearing what looks to be football armor under his clothing, topped with a crooked space-helmet and puffy sleves. His crooked, severely deformed hand clutches his space-pistol with zeal.

This is Mega Man. The game that revolutionized video games as well as what is to be considered bad cover artwork. Yes, it's horrible. Laughable, even, but once you open this magical chest made from all of the evil that man has ever and will ever know, you are blessed with a beautiful, wonderful, game.

The first thing you should know about Mega Man if you've never played the game is that you will never enjoy slamming your fist into the coffee table this much again. Mega Man is, as expected and preferred, one of the most delightfully frustrating and difficult games you'll ever have the pleasure of cursing. I know it sounds bad, but once you get past that insane platforming section, having a child, teaching someone to read, even becoming President of the United States will all cease to matter because then, and only then, will you know what accomplishment feels like.

I went back to enjoy this game in its true form, so no save-states or loading from them. I completed the game on my own in my spare time in a matter of a day or two, so its length, if you know what you're doing (And can do it well) is probably under a few hours. While difficult, the game is never impossible. Figuring out the appropriate powers to use against the Robot Masters makes it even more of a breeze Unfortunately using common sense doesn't really work with figuring out weaknesses (One might think that fire is best to use against ice. One would be wrong, though. Dead wrong.)

Some of the enemies in the game proved too powerful, killing you in just a few hits. This stops being a problem once you begin gaining powers, but I still felt it was worth mentioning. The Robot Masters themselves were a bit unbalanced. One would completely annihilate me in a matter of two to three hits. Another would practically stand in the corner while I whaled on him.

Lastly, for a series originally named Rockman, after the music genre, the soundtrack for the game is exactly as it should be. Kickass techno-rock music.

It takes a lot to get past an awful cover like this game had, and it takes serious stuff to waltz into the video game industry and start kicking ass right off the bat. Mega Man does this, and still does it to this day.

[sven.2007]

Great review Slyder, I really enjoyed reading it.

[TheSlyder]

Thanks, I can't believe somebody saw it. After its creation it just sunk page after page into the depths of eternity.

[Silent Oblivion]

I also read it, just didn't comment =P

I very enjoyable review, funny as well.