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The santa hat turns you into incinaruu. God of spontaneous combustion.
> Equip Santa Hat without a thought to question its origins or if it is magic.
The Hobo is punched so hard that he is punched into a time warp to go back to 1973.
You gain a santa hat. But that's it.
> Be concerned about whether or not the rambunctious punching of the hobo's face has cured the chicken people's brainwashing.
> Rambunctiously thrust fist into his face in hopes to repudiate the chicken people's brainwashing.
The hobo replies by calling you a witch and tries to attack you.
Silly billy, plot implies that I planned this.
> Ask him where I can locate the plot
On your way, you encounter a hobo. He tells you about some war and how he is being brainwashed by the chicken people.
What do you do?
> Walk towards majestic mountains in hopes to find mountain climbing adventure
You see a lush landscape, vivid colors, majestic mountains.
You scoff in disgust.